Five Questions for Moms Who Write — Part 1
Three beloved writers take a seat at the Bang Voyage round table to discuss how they're running our favorite Substacks while raising young kids.
I wrote this note last October, a couple months after launching my Substack.
At the time, I was less than a year into my career pause and pregnant with my second daughter. The version of myself who asked the internet “where/when/how do you find the time to write?” that day was a different version of the one sitting here now in a nursing bra and joggers, one drowsy eye on a monitor...again. She had, let’s say, a little more “free time.” But as these things go, she didn’t know it yet. Le sigh.
B.S.K. (Before Second Kid), the bulk of my writing for Bang Voyage happened on Wednesdays at my unofficial office, a coffee shop inside an unassuming brick building in downtown Santa Ana, while my daughter spent the day at my mom’s house. Before sitting solo at my usual table beside the cafe’s kitchen window (best view in the house if you like watching croissants being made from scratch), I would dreamily scan the menu but order the same thing every time: one breakfast burrito and a drip coffee “for here.” No room. I quickly became a regular, the barista pouring me a cup upon my foot in the door.
With a bottomless mug of caffeine pumping through my bloodstream and no dependents in sight, I would spend hours (hours!) turning a hopeless first draft into something nearly reader-ready. After a couple mini-editing sessions at home over the following few days while my husband watched our toddler, I’d somehow have a polished post scheduled about once a week. This semblance of a writing routine B.S.K. didn’t feel super ideal, and I often felt needy for more alone time, but it allowed me to get three to four essays published a month without much strain.
Fast forward to now, and I haven’t sat in solitude at a coffee shop since the day my second daughter arrived in late March. In fact, I haven’t visited my old “office” since. As I pause to glance in the rearview mirror of my past, the view of a full morning sans child looks like a mirage — one that makes me salivate like a thirsty hiker with visions of aquamarine pools in the distance. Would the baristas at my old stomping grounds even remember me and my usual order if I walked in today? Or might I look as different as I feel?
Things have changed. Publishing my work on an ambitious, albeit self-imposed, weekly schedule now means jotting down half-baked paragraphs while contact napping with my almost four-month-old or editing at night when both of my kids are asleep. Gone, at least temporarily, are the days of writing at a table for one, ten fingers typing on a keyboard in between bites of egg and cheese. For instance, I’m putting together this essay from my dining room table while my baby naps across the hall, and I can already hear her fussing. To be a mom who writes is to be a writer who is always ‘girl, interrupted.’
My non-routine, routine today reminds me of the responses I received from my note last year. Thirty-four moms gave it to me straight that day, and their answers hit different now. One of the first to respond was the
who bluntly admitted: “8pm to 2am. Wish I was kidding!!!” Similarly, said she makes it work “after bedtime most weeks 🫠 so that 8-10PM window.” confessed, “Writing happens in the in-between moments of nap times and nursing and while baby wearing. In the middle of the night while I pump. My laptop now lives on my kitchen counter.”Well, shit. Okay. A.S.K. (After Second Kid), I get that now.
This is roughly when I began to realize that Substack could be more than just a personal writing outlet. There was clearly a whole community of women who felt the same incessant pull — eager to tap into their deepest creative desires despite all odds. They were all “working moms” in some form or fashion, and therefore stealing hours from late nights (when they’d rather be sleeping) or early mornings (when they’d rather be sleeping!!!) or while their babies napped on their chests, clutched phone in hand (when, yes, they’d rather be sleeping). These women inspired me.
Curious to dig deeper, I reached out to a handful of some of my favorite writers-turned-friends (who also happen to be moms) and asked them five questions about how they make time to write amidst the chaos of motherhood. Each response was uniquely personal, but the general theme amongst the interviews remained the same: We’re all just finding extraordinary ways to make it work.
Today’s Bang Voyage roundtable guests are:
Ariane Anusbigian, ; everyone’s girl crush
Kelly Williams, Midimalist; Substack’s sweetheart
Sogole Kane, Another Fashion Newsletter; queen of style deep dives
1. Please share a little about your family structure — number of kids, their ages, and any support system you want to share.
Ariane: My husband and I have two kids — Luke (5) and Hazel (15 months) — plus a senior dog who is quite needy and therefore acts like a third kid many days.
I was laid off in the spring, so my husband and I decided not to do full-time childcare for both kids this summer. My son is in preschool four days a week and my daughter does a nanny share two days a week. That leaves me with two full days of childcare each week right now, which is just not a lot of time to write, look for clients / work, and manage the daily logistics of everyday life.
We are lucky that both of our parents live about an hour away and are very generous with their time. With their support, I get some extra pockets of help here and there throughout the week.
Also, I am very fortunate to have an incredible partner who values my time and work and supports me mentally and emotionally (and yes, financially right now!). I could not do it without him.
Kelly: I have three kids; my son is 8 and then I have two girls; ages 6 and 4. My co-parent and husband, Mason, is my number one support and encourager.
Sogole: We have two boys, ages 5 and (nearly) 7. I'm currently hybrid and go into an office a few days a week, but am very lucky in that my husband works from home and has flexibility in his schedule. We definitely split duties, but he is super involved and can take them to afternoon swim lessons or soccer practice when I can't. We have a really good balance at the moment and I'm grateful for that! Oh, and my parents live 15 minutes down the road...so they're always available for babysitting or extra help when needed. We are so lucky to have that extra support; I know it's not a given! My kids love sleepovers at grandma's house because they literally get away with highway robbery under her very relaxed watch!
2. What other work or creative projects do you juggle outside of Substack?
Ariane: Substack is my main creative outlet at the moment (well, and I just launched a public IG account!), but I'm also actively working to build up a freelance marketing business for myself. The childcare component is a little chicken or egg: do I get more childcare so that I have more time to build up my business? Or do I wait until the money comes in and fill in childcare then?
We've landed somewhere in the middle: I decided to take the summer to be more with my kids. In the fall, my son will start kindergarten (YAY for being in a district with great public schools), and my daughter will start a couple days a week at the same preschool my son is at now.
Kelly: In addition to writing my weekly Substack, Midimalist, I also work part-time in travel/hospitality PR, and I am a full-time mom.
Sogole: Well of course there's my day-to-day job, and then all the roles so many of us women play: house manager, chief scheduler & organizer, chauffeur, Instacart aka grocery shopper — the list goes on! My days are jam-packed between work, "momming," "wifing," and of course, Substacking, so for now — that's enough!
3. What does your current writing routine (or lack thereof!) look like, and how do you carve out time for it?
Ariane: I post mostly on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I try to get most of my writing done on Mondays since I have full childcare that day. My daughter isn't sleeping great right now, so I also will write at about ~5 a.m. after she's finally gone back to sleep, but I can't. And then I usually edit from about 9-10 p.m., which is just about when my son finally falls asleep and just before I crash for the day.
Kelly: There’s two sides to writing; one is the very practical component of needing to sit down and try to formulate your thoughts into something coherent. Then there is the bolt of lightning inspiration, where the words are pouring out of you. The latter is, obviously, much harder to plan for. I like to keep a note going in my phone with ideas — they are sandwiched between my To-Do list and random gift ideas for my husband and friends.
Every night I have a bit of time for practical writing while my husband puts our kids to bed. He “owns” bedtime, meaning he puts all three kids to bed and I will either retreat to our bedroom or the back patio and knuckle down to write. One of my best tips for all moms everywhere is to have times or tasks that your spouse owns from start to finish to reduce the mental load. Women are expected to own so much by default so laying out those times is a lifesaver.
Sogole: I wish I had some stellar, organized answer and system for you here, but like much of my life right now, it's all done on the fly when I have an hour here or 20 minutes there to soak up for myself. Writing is so special to me — it's one of the few things I do JUST FOR ME. And as a working mom, I treasure any moments or activities that are solely for me because it helps me reconnect with my needs, wants and hopes. So important! To that end, I grab time when I can. Most of the time, it looks like me in bed at 9 p.m. with my laptop, where I write for maybe an hour. Other times, I'm jotting ideas or edits down on my phone while sitting at my kids' tennis lessons. If you ever want to see the living, breathing definition of "making it work" — look no further than an ambitious mom who values carving out time for herself — however haphazard it may be!
4. Has becoming a mom changed the way you write or what you feel called to write about?
Ariane: This is such a great question! Yes and no. I feel like becoming a mom changed... the way I am. Period. Completely. So yes, I do feel called to write more about motherhood in that regard because it's so much of who I am today. But at the same time, I still am who I was before kids, just evolved. So while I do love writing about motherhood, I also feel called to use writing as an exercise to tap into the parts of me that existed before motherhood, but with a refreshed lens. I think (?) the result is a nice fusion of the two.
Kelly: Right after having my kids, I wrote a lot of personal essays about the different struggles and victories I faced as a mom. All the essays were strictly for myself: a chance to cathartically work through everything I was feeling, channeled in a creative way. I didn’t start my Substack until my youngest was three years old. It was about that time when I felt like I could start thinking about my personal passions again.
Sogole: Absolutely! I don't think you can extrapolate who you are, what roles you play and how you express yourself in the world as a result. It's all interconnected. Writers tend to write what they know, and what I know is motherhood, living in the 'burbs, working and juggling life, loving fashion and style to death, and the convergence of all these things that makes me who I am. My newsletter specifically is precisely about this: how someone who lives and breathes fashion can shift from her old, glamorous, kid-free life to one that's more practical for motherhood, living in a very casual city, and embracing a relaxed lifestyle. I love exploring the inherent tension in this concept...because fashion and style are city-agnostic!
5. What’s one piece of advice or encouragement you’d give to another mom who’s struggling to find time or confidence to write?
Ariane: Just do it. The older I get, the more I realize, no one cares. No one cares! Like in the best way. No one cares if you made a typo, or if your writing was rambly, or if your writing was too short. The people who will be drawn to you will be drawn to you regardless. And really, the writing is more for you anyway, isn't it?
I'd also let yourself off the hook a bit. My before-kids-self would have wanted to have a full content calendar and a fleshed-out brand before I even thought about starting a Substack. My current self has close to zero plans re: what I'm going to write about each week and hits publish more or less on a whim. It's okay if you can't be all the things right now — both for other people, but also for yourself.
Kelly: It sounds trite to say but “don’t stop.” Writing is a muscle and it will get stronger with practice. One sentence is a win! In my opinion, the best writing shares an emotion, and early motherhood has no shortage of emotion. Harness that.
Sogole: I will make this broader, because I think it applies to all moms who have outside interests — be it writing or not. I'm going to steal from Nike here, but my advice is JUST DO IT. Seriously. Do not hold back, do not worry, do not doubt yourself. All of those feelings are normal, but try and push past them all and just go for it. You will be so much happier with yourself and your personal growth, however big or small it might be, if you honor your desires, goals and wishes. Yes, you're a mom! But you're a person first and foremost, and you deserve as much time and grace for your own interests as everyone who depends on you receives daily, too!
Well, I’m inspired. Aren’t you? Let’s give a roaring round of applause to our phenomenal first panelists. (Thank you for your time, ladies — we know how hard it is to find!) And please stay tuned for Part 2, where we’ll hear from our next roundtable guests:
, , and .If you’re still here (hey, thanks) and enjoy reading my work, there are a few ways to show your support:
like, comment, or share this post! ty, ty, ty!
buy me a coffee and support my caffeine addiction, the real lifeline to this newsletter.
or upgrade to a paid subscription, another nice way to buy me a coffee.
FYI — This post contains a couple affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you shop through them (at no extra cost to you!). Tysm for supporting my work.
ICYMI —
Welcome to Peppatown
Hi! If you’re new here because you read Ariane Anusbigian’s last Girl Crush (it was me and I have zero chill about it!!!), or because you stumbled upon this letter about my last 18-months as a SAHM (still can’t believe the response), welcome to Bang Voyage. It means the world to me that you’re here. I mostly write about motherhood, but sometimes I write about clothes. And today, my favorite thing happens — those two worlds collide.
What a treat to wake up to this letter in my inbox and a complete honor to be featured alongside two of my Substack favorites Kelly and Ariane. Elin, your weekly exploration or what it means to be a mother and more importantly a WOMAN today is nothing short of pure GOLD. Thank you for having me!!
Love this new series Elin! Left feeling both validated and encouraged. And also with a big dose of permission to be patient in the busy seasons (I type while I nurse a newborn next to the other two 🤪)