Romanticizing Weekdays at Home with a Toddler
Because main character romcom energy is for the moms, too.
I’ve never understood the backlash on Valentine’s Day. Even dating back to my single days of angst, I’ve always been a sucker for the deliberate cheesiness of it all — the frilly bows, pink and red color scheme, heart-shaped treats, and handwritten love notes. Be mine.
Haters will blame Hallmark for the commercialism of the holiday, but I’d argue they’re to thank. Maybe some of us need an excuse to buy the bouquet of flowers for ourselves or a loved one. And I’m sorry, but who doesn’t win in the scenario where boy gets girl a nice card and chocolates? Being gently pushed to lean into acts of love for a season needn’t be controversial. It’s actually pretty sweet, and I mean that literally.
Like mother, like daughter. My two-year-old is enamored by hearts and would proudly wear them on her sleeve every day if her wardrobe allowed it. If you ask her what the shape means, she’ll sum it up in one word: love. Pink is her go-to color choice, ballet is her sport, and “I love you” leaves her lips on a daily basis. The best part? This February 14th, I get to be the magic maker (mom perk) and bring all the best parts of the girl-dominated holiday to life. Seriously, what’s not to love?
Anyways. This time of year brings a theme whether you’re into all the love stuff or not. At some point in February, chances are your eyes will gaze on something — an email marketing campaign, a window display, or a Substack newsletter like this — that ties romance into the mix.
In fact, I have read several “How to Romanticize Your Life” columns over the past month — not necessarily by choice. They just keep popping up like a well-meaning clown jumping out of a wind-up box. Startling although not surprising, zero of these guides that I’ve received have been written by a full-time caretaker of a toddler.
This absence of perspective could mean a number of things but is most likely due to one of two reasons, begging one to ask:
Is it not possible to exude main character romcom energy in the era of toddler parenting?
or
Are mothers of young kids just as capable of romanticizing their day-to-day lives but just haven’t written it up for the Substack moms to see?
I believe the answer, ma cheri, is #2. So that’s where I, full time caretaker of a toddler with another on the way, come in.
Changing a diaper filled with a mudslide of poop, hitting your head on playground equipment while running after your toddler, and vacuuming decapitated goldfish from the backseat of your car are typically not ever referred to as romantic activities. And honey, I won’t lie to you. They’re not.
But just because you’re a human sponge for mucus and a first responder to wailing doesn’t mean you can’t romanticize the moments in between. In actuality, perhaps you can romanticize some of the moments in action, too. Am I saying that it’s possible to sweep yourself off of your feet while literally sweeping beneath your feet? Well, yes.
If you’re throwing a box of chocolates at your tiny screen a la Elle Woods or rolling your eyes while whispering, “This goddamn Bang Voyage lady is batshit if she thinks there’s any possibility of idealizing my unideal routine,” then you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.
Sit up on that pile of laundry and stay with me here, cutie pie — “here” being where I share the moments of romanticized intention that I’m choosing to create during the week as an at-home pregnant mother of a two-year-old. They’re yours to try now, too.
How to Romanticize Your Days, Toddler Mom Edition
Set the tone before your toddler sets it for you. It’s as easy as 1-2-3, literally.
Step one, turn on your TV and search for “coffee shop music” on Youtube. There are so many options that I’m certain you could select a new video every day for the entire year but I’m partial to those with a crackling fire. Press play and voila, your home is now a cozy cafe.
Step two, control the ambiance. Turn on the lights throughout the house just enough for them to warm up the space but not enough to see the grains of rice on the floor from last night’s dinner when your toddler threw her plate overboard. Hue might as well have been named Romeo for how easy it makes this task.
Step three, light a candle. Just make sure it’s out of your toddler’s reach. Starting a fire would be trés unromantic.
Paint your nails a vibrant cherry red and lipstick to match. Blow kisses back and forth with your little. Muah, muah, muah.
Throw a book in your diaper bag. Even if you don’t get the time to read it, which — fair, there’s something je ne sais quai about having it along for the ride just in case.
Play jazz during breakfast. And keep it streaming throughout your morning Magnatiles build. This playlist is my go-to.
Dress the part. To be the main character in your own romantic comedy, sorry but you’ve gotta suit up accordingly. Staying inside all day because your kid is sick or you’re exhausted or a number of other valid reasons? No excuses. Pair a cashmere sweater with your joggers and tell me you don’t feel just a little bit like Meg Ryan.
Pick flowers on your morning walk. Take the time to smell each one. Exhale. Repeat. Make a bouquet. Pull the petals off of a daisy one at a time while chanting, “He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me…” and then laugh at the silliness of it all with your little valentine(s) by your side.
Is your candle still burning? Cool, just checking. Helps, right?
Lay on a blanket outside and watch the clouds pass by. Listen to the birds chirp while trading secrets with your outdoor-loving mini me. Make it a picnic. Time will slow down. Let it. That’s romance.
Tell yourself something a Valentine’s Day card would read. I don’t know about you, but the voices in my head aren’t always so sincere. Break ‘em up with some words of affirmation that you damn well deserve. Some ideas:
I’m doing an amazing job!!!
I am lovable and deeply loved.
Damn, my butt looks good in these biker shorts.
Write your to-do’s on a pretty notepad. Analog is the new ideal. Stay on that go, go, go schedule but make it feel good with every check, check, check — that’s the goal here. Bonus points for spritzing the pad with perfume.
On a related note, put your phone away. You wouldn’t approve of a date scrolling on their phone during dinner, so why not have the same boundaries when it comes to dating yourself (and your toddler)? Disconnecting is the ultimate romantic act.
Get the baked good behind the glass. Just say yes to whatever sugar-based treat catches your eye at the coffee shop you’re stopping by on the way to a) the library, b) a playdate, c) the grocery, or d) all of the above. To be honest, I do this all year.
Let go and embrace the kitsch. Just like seeing a lit up Christmas tree during the holidays can make your heart go pitter patter, all things femme can have the same effect during Cupid season. It’s just science. Write a love note in your daughter’s sticker book, grab a stack of Valentine’s books at the library, and toss a snack bag of conversation hearts in your tote. Look! Love is all around!
Apply perfume in the morning. Sure, it’s completely unnecessary and it’s just for you, but that’s what makes it feel so luxurious.
Put on a film while you *insert misc. work crammed into the day here.* Just like other busy moms, I have to fit in time to write or clean or order this and that when our child is napping during the day or sleeping at night. It doesn’t hurt one bit to have You’ve Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, or When Harry Met Sally playing in the background — just saying.
Treat yourself. It’s hard work to care for another human being all day. You deserve it. I have my eyes on: these cashmere socks, this ridiculous mirror, the sweetest kitchen accessory, this bag of my daydreams, a pastel pink locket, and this gorge twinset.
Is your candle still lit? Great. Now blow it out. Get to bed. There’s nothing more romantic than a good night’s sleep.
It might not be possible to achieve all-day romance when your days are mostly spent in a side kick role to the main act of your kids, but adding a few little things to spice things up for yourself along the way? That is self-love, and it’s absolutely doable.
Reader, if you got this far, I love you. Let’s end with a song from one of my favorite soundtracks, Lost in Translation, gifted to me in vinyl on Valentine’s Day by my own Valentine a few years ago. xo
Love this! And all your photo choices are 🔥
Highly recommend an electric candle lamp with auto shut off feature! Safe + chic and your candles last forever <3