Dink is one of my favorite words in the whole world. I always wanted three kids, then after my second my desire for a third disappeared and we decided to stop at two. But even as someone who DID obsess over all things baby and pregnancy since the age of 10 (yes, my baby fever started early) I grieved my pre-child life HARD and for YEARS. Like, five years. I only recently stopped missing it so aggressively. There was never a door one for me, or for my husband, but damn do I present that door like I’m a door salesman to any of my friends who are on the fence. Loved this essay, Elin!
Dink really is so fun to say lol my sister is one so it still comes up often. It's wild how we think we know what we want but we really have no idea until we're IN IT. I never ever wanted three kids but I've actually entertained it here and there over this past year which has really thrown me for a loop. Will we go there? Probably not, but...
I love that you've been freed of missing pre-child life because I know that feeling! I think you nailed it right on the head by referring to it as something you grieved. It's like mourning the death of a completely other life, one that was right at your fingertips. I think it would feel the same way had we chosen not to have kids, too. The complex emotions of womanhood my gosh!!!!
PS Thank you so much for reading. I was lowkey terrified about sharing my thoughts around such a sensitive subject and appreciate the support A LOT.
loved this essay. A fellow PP mom and you nailed all the feels so perfectly. We are right now in the push pull of three or not three life, and your words about whether it’s rooted in fear or anything else ring so true. Thank you!!
Thank you, Jordyn! I'm so glad this hit. Even though every family situation is so unique, there's a comfort knowing that the push and pull re: kids (whether to have them or whether to have more) is such a shared experience. xx
I got pregnant with my 2nd when my oldest was 11 months old. I knew I had to get it done while the baby high was still fresh, plus we knew we wanted to give him a sibling. But I think personally, I would’ve lost my nerve if we waited much longer. Loved everything about your journey and it always strikes me HOW unique everyone’s experience is yet how incredibly common the joys, conflicts and emotions we as parents all feel!!!
You are WISE, Sogole!!! The more time goes by, the more we can overthink things -- or at least, that can certainly be the case for me. And I *love* finding commonalities with one another, too! Motherhood can sometimes feel isolating but I'm reminded every day that we're never alone, especially when we share our experiences. Thank you for sharing yours. xo
This. Was. So. Good. When I was growing up I never gave motherhood a thought- not one of those girls who carried baby dolls, etc. But when I met my husband I knew I wanted to have kids with him not only because I was thrilled by the concept of us making something together but, also, because I couldn’t wait to parent with him. Like you, I KNEW I wasn’t going to have just one. I also knew I wasn’t going to stop at 2. But I was like 6 weeks pregnant with my 3rd when I knew I was done. I felt it in my bones.
Thank you, Kelly! "I felt it in my bones." YES, it's that feeling that I think propels us forward when making a list of pros and cons just will not do. Sounds like we definitely have some similarities (no surprise there) in our journeys to motherhood. It also sounds like you have a beautiful relationship with your husband. Hope you're having a fun Father's Day over there! xo
Firstly: when I realized it's Monday and omg I was so busy yesterday I missed Elin's Sunday send, I raced to my phone. Secondly: Wow what a read! You captured so many of us in this essay, thank you. There's no one size fits all answer for everyone, is there? If only!! Sometimes I think about a third and then I think... how?! WHY! Regardless, I actually love that there's no right answer and any option you choose can be beautiful ❤️
Ariane! Thank you for noticing that I’m trying to become a Sunday send girlie. You’re never too late, and you brightened up my Monday by being here today so THANKS. I totally have experienced that thinking about a third which has really surprised me because it’s something I never envisioned prior to having our second. The mind is wild, the potential paths endless!
The endless doors! I always knew I wanted to have kids, but in my periphery there is another door, one locked and barricaded, a door that led to a life without children--forever unlived and oozing with mysterious appeal. I used to feel guilty about harboring this kind of daydream, a fantasy really, but now accept it as a way for me to connect with the person I was before I became "mom." I wonder if other mothers gaze longingly at their own versions of this door, too.
Christy! Thank you for sharing this. I think about that door sometimes, too, and love the way you described it as “oozing with mysterious appeal.” There are so many lives we get to live and so many we never will. Hard not to daydream every now and then. 🫶🏼
Loved this essay. As a 30-something woman with no kids (but working in pediatrics where I’m constantly asked “but when will you have kids?” and “but why work with kids when you don’t have kids?”) and currently staring at the two doors, this articulated so much of what I’ve been feeling and also looking for. Thank you!!
Taylor, thank YOU. And I’m sorry you’re being hounded by those questions. Choosing to have or to not have kids is such a deeply personal decision to make. I’m so glad there was something in here that resonated with you. There’s no wrong door. 💖
Thank you for sharing this! Our daughter is almost 11 months and I'm already feeling the looming presence of that second set of doors...I guess I'll find out eventually what I decide, haha.
I think that's right around when I felt the pressure, too! (IT'S SO REAL.) But if I could tell my past self one thing it would be to (try to) let some of that go. The right next move will come in due time when it (mostly) feels right. Happy almost one year to both your daughter AND you. xx
Dink is one of my favorite words in the whole world. I always wanted three kids, then after my second my desire for a third disappeared and we decided to stop at two. But even as someone who DID obsess over all things baby and pregnancy since the age of 10 (yes, my baby fever started early) I grieved my pre-child life HARD and for YEARS. Like, five years. I only recently stopped missing it so aggressively. There was never a door one for me, or for my husband, but damn do I present that door like I’m a door salesman to any of my friends who are on the fence. Loved this essay, Elin!
Dink really is so fun to say lol my sister is one so it still comes up often. It's wild how we think we know what we want but we really have no idea until we're IN IT. I never ever wanted three kids but I've actually entertained it here and there over this past year which has really thrown me for a loop. Will we go there? Probably not, but...
I love that you've been freed of missing pre-child life because I know that feeling! I think you nailed it right on the head by referring to it as something you grieved. It's like mourning the death of a completely other life, one that was right at your fingertips. I think it would feel the same way had we chosen not to have kids, too. The complex emotions of womanhood my gosh!!!!
PS Thank you so much for reading. I was lowkey terrified about sharing my thoughts around such a sensitive subject and appreciate the support A LOT.
loved this essay. A fellow PP mom and you nailed all the feels so perfectly. We are right now in the push pull of three or not three life, and your words about whether it’s rooted in fear or anything else ring so true. Thank you!!
Thank you, Jordyn! I'm so glad this hit. Even though every family situation is so unique, there's a comfort knowing that the push and pull re: kids (whether to have them or whether to have more) is such a shared experience. xx
I’m so happy you did!! Love this essay and you!
Can’t even imagine an alternative without them (and you!) in it. I love you!
I got pregnant with my 2nd when my oldest was 11 months old. I knew I had to get it done while the baby high was still fresh, plus we knew we wanted to give him a sibling. But I think personally, I would’ve lost my nerve if we waited much longer. Loved everything about your journey and it always strikes me HOW unique everyone’s experience is yet how incredibly common the joys, conflicts and emotions we as parents all feel!!!
You are WISE, Sogole!!! The more time goes by, the more we can overthink things -- or at least, that can certainly be the case for me. And I *love* finding commonalities with one another, too! Motherhood can sometimes feel isolating but I'm reminded every day that we're never alone, especially when we share our experiences. Thank you for sharing yours. xo
As someone who is so easily swallowed by what if’s, this was such a great read ❤️
We definitely have that in common 👯♀️ Thank you, Courtney! 💕
I think door #3 is being a fun aunt 😂😂 my sister loves it.
Hahaha my sister also and she is living the dream.
You guys — my sister, too!!! And she’s totally thriving in the fun aunt role.
This. Was. So. Good. When I was growing up I never gave motherhood a thought- not one of those girls who carried baby dolls, etc. But when I met my husband I knew I wanted to have kids with him not only because I was thrilled by the concept of us making something together but, also, because I couldn’t wait to parent with him. Like you, I KNEW I wasn’t going to have just one. I also knew I wasn’t going to stop at 2. But I was like 6 weeks pregnant with my 3rd when I knew I was done. I felt it in my bones.
Thank you, Kelly! "I felt it in my bones." YES, it's that feeling that I think propels us forward when making a list of pros and cons just will not do. Sounds like we definitely have some similarities (no surprise there) in our journeys to motherhood. It also sounds like you have a beautiful relationship with your husband. Hope you're having a fun Father's Day over there! xo
Firstly: when I realized it's Monday and omg I was so busy yesterday I missed Elin's Sunday send, I raced to my phone. Secondly: Wow what a read! You captured so many of us in this essay, thank you. There's no one size fits all answer for everyone, is there? If only!! Sometimes I think about a third and then I think... how?! WHY! Regardless, I actually love that there's no right answer and any option you choose can be beautiful ❤️
Ariane! Thank you for noticing that I’m trying to become a Sunday send girlie. You’re never too late, and you brightened up my Monday by being here today so THANKS. I totally have experienced that thinking about a third which has really surprised me because it’s something I never envisioned prior to having our second. The mind is wild, the potential paths endless!
The endless doors! I always knew I wanted to have kids, but in my periphery there is another door, one locked and barricaded, a door that led to a life without children--forever unlived and oozing with mysterious appeal. I used to feel guilty about harboring this kind of daydream, a fantasy really, but now accept it as a way for me to connect with the person I was before I became "mom." I wonder if other mothers gaze longingly at their own versions of this door, too.
Christy! Thank you for sharing this. I think about that door sometimes, too, and love the way you described it as “oozing with mysterious appeal.” There are so many lives we get to live and so many we never will. Hard not to daydream every now and then. 🫶🏼
Loved this essay. As a 30-something woman with no kids (but working in pediatrics where I’m constantly asked “but when will you have kids?” and “but why work with kids when you don’t have kids?”) and currently staring at the two doors, this articulated so much of what I’ve been feeling and also looking for. Thank you!!
Taylor, thank YOU. And I’m sorry you’re being hounded by those questions. Choosing to have or to not have kids is such a deeply personal decision to make. I’m so glad there was something in here that resonated with you. There’s no wrong door. 💖
Thank you for sharing this! Our daughter is almost 11 months and I'm already feeling the looming presence of that second set of doors...I guess I'll find out eventually what I decide, haha.
I think that's right around when I felt the pressure, too! (IT'S SO REAL.) But if I could tell my past self one thing it would be to (try to) let some of that go. The right next move will come in due time when it (mostly) feels right. Happy almost one year to both your daughter AND you. xx
Thank you, Elin! xx