Temporary Insanity

And other things that don't last forever.

There are three words mouthed by well-meaning parents that may qualify as the most annoying (and often unsolicited) platitude you may ever receive as a new mom. Don’t worry, they’ll say…

Everything is temporary.

But for some of us, like myself circa now, the phrase can be a great comfort. Based on my own encounters from the dark side of parenting (read: sleep deprivation and other forms of psychological torture), I’d argue that the expression is not so much advice as it is a verified fact. However, it’s much easier to hear the words when you’ve lived through the truth of the statement yourself. As someone who is now responsible for not one but two mini-me’s, I’ve come to learn firsthand that the challenging days and nights always pass. What stays are the stories, what strengthens is the resilience.

For example, when I was struggling with my first daughter’s sleep for nine (not a typo!) consecutive months with no end in sight and while also working a full-time job where I had to pretend to be well slept (a role in itself!), I would have rolled my eyes to the back of my head if someone told me that it wouldn’t last forever. Wouldn’t it though? It sure felt that way. At one point I’m sure I looked at my husband bleary eyed and said, “Welp. This is our life now.” You couldn’t have told me otherwise.

Nine months can feel like a lifetime when you’re in the thick of it. In fact, there’s science behind that type of subjective time perception. Studies have shown¹ that positive emotions can accelerate our discernment of time while negative emotions, and especially those involving novel experiences, tend to expand and slow our perceived passage of time. This might explain why that one week your toddler refused to keep his shoes on felt more like a month, or maybe even a year.

While my oldest daughter did eventually sleep through the night, right before my birthday — what a gift, the struggle didn’t feel temporary at the time. It felt endless until it wasn’t. As the weeks went by, both slowly and much too quickly, more and more new struggles presented themselves. However, those all seemed to end eventually, too. Huh. After experiencing a rapid fire round of phases (helloOoOo regressions) throughout that first year of motherhood, I realized that maybe the whole “everything is temporary” feedback isn’t bullshit after all.

I’ve never been more certain than I am now that no stage or feeling is final. Therefore, if I’m venting to you about insert one of a million parenting hurdles here, please remind me that it’ll end — I’ll actually believe you. I’m convinced that this learned knowledge acquired in motherhood has been the thing to keep me relatively hinged this go around, a reward for surviving literal years of bedtime battles. Waking up at midnight, three and five in the morning to feed a baby can feel a lot easier when it’s your second round in the ring. With the benefit of hindsight, I understand the complexities of time distortion and how fleeting each phase really is in the long-run. It’s a relief when dealing with a particularly hard phase, and it’s a gut punch when in the center of a sweet one.

I’m reminded of the temporariness of it all every day. Just this morning, I was able to ride my Peloton for thirty uninterrupted minutes whereas thirty days ago I could barely manage ten without my baby crying for me. And the other week, we all slept through the night for two nights in a row!!!!! If you’re a mom, too, you don’t need me to tell you how big of a deal that is with two under three. You also don’t need me to tell you that it didn’t last long. And the stage we’re in right now, the one where my baby won’t take a bottle which means I’ve received zero meaningful breaks from childcare? That’ll end, too. I know it will.²

While I was looking back and forth between Cody Rigsby and my baby this morning³, I started thinking about other moments I’ve experienced thus far in parenthood that felt eternal in the moment and yet were temporary all along.

Things That Are Temporary:

• Breastfeeding all day

• Pumping all day

• Breastfeeding and pumping all day

• Tantrums over shredded cheese

• Your child’s near constant, daily obsession with shredded cheese

• Intrusive thoughts

• Feeling hungover from lack of sleep

• Walking around in damp nursing pads

• The middle of the night wakeups

• Giving a fuq about the disintegrated goldfish in the backseat

• Only having one morning a week to write

• A racing heart after your toddler attempts to run into traffic

• Having feet that look caveman-esque

• Shapeshifting

• Stepping on rice⁴

• Legit memory loss⁵

• Changing diapers 12x a day

• Packing your entire life in the car whenever you leave the house with kids

• Eating your toddler’s leftovers for lunch

• Resenting your dog

• Four naps (breaks) a day⁶

• Running into everything because sleep deprivation

• Your sanity

• Your insanity

• Worrying about a rash and then googling “rash back of neck toddler” until the rash eventually just goes away like it typically always does

• Feeling lonely

• Not remembering the last time you went on a date

• The “tattoo” your toddler drew on your face with a marker

• An inevitable identity crisis

• Being a human jungle gym

• Feeling unsexy

• A career pause

The fact that everything is temporary can also break your heart because it doesn’t just apply to the hard stuff. The sweet parts can just as easily slip through the passage of time, too.

Also Temporary:

• Being called mama (it’s literally only okay when she says it.)

• And not just being called mama, but the way she says it like you’re her favorite person in the entire universe

• The way they mispronounce words and make everything sound cuter, like saying “ghoul” instead of “girl”

• That indescribable feeling after their first laugh/walk/etc.

• Contact naps with nowhere else to be

• Tiny hands reaching for yours

• Being their whole world

Okay, now that we’re all crying…some comedic relief.

I’d love to hear from you! Have you experienced something in motherhood that felt endless, and yet, somehow, it ended?

See ya next Sunday,

E

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ICYMI —

1. In other words, I googled it.

2. Case in point, that stage did indeed end prior to publishing this. And I got a pedicure!!!

3. Are you on Peloton, too? Let’s be friends! Find me at @literallystrong

4. If your toddler’s rice doesn’t end up on the floor every gd time, tell me your secrets

5. I’m actually not sure if this is temporary lol

6. Enjoy them while they last, especially if you only have one