“Aren’t you loving every second?” Is a close second to “everything is temporary” in my book of worst things you can say to a parent with babies/toddlers. I keep a list in the notes on my phone of things that are stressing me out, and instead of deleting the note when whatever it is eventually resolves, I copy and paste it into another note called “things that resolved” and I read it periodically to remind myself of all I’ve managed to get through. It’s shocking to read, because I’ll forget all about “the thing” once it’s behind me. But reading it reminds me of just how badass I am and it gives me the strength I need when a new whackamole pops up!
Gosh, YES, there really is a long list of cringe things to say to a new parent — that’s for sure. I love your notes strategy, especially because it’s *so true* that we often forget the many hurdles we’ve cleared. What a great way to keep a running tab of reminders of how badass you are!!!! We can do anything.
Honestly the "it's just temporary" really helps me too. In the moment, it feels like an affront and complete lack of empathy. But then when you experience it for yourself, you get it. I also have a larger age gap between my kids (4 years), so I'm now ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. I can actually see day-to-day how my 5yo has outgrown the things my 1yo now does.
But that said, my hell is pumping all day. I FEEL YOU!!!! xoxoxo you're doing great
You totally get it!!! I feel like the second time around has been easier in that it’s, well, not the first time I’m doing this — but it’s also just knowing (really knowing!) that the hard stuff passes. Does it still suck in the moment? Yeah. But thank god for the knowledge that it ends. Thanks gf 🫶🏼
My husband and I were just having this conversation; the beauty and pain of the temporary. Good temporary; having to get in the pool and be splashed (can’t wait for my youngest to be water independent. The bad/sad temporary; the way she gives her stuffed lamb a bite of ice cream (may lamby always be a whole lovely member of our family). I have the good/sad temporary top of mind for each of my kids in each phase!!
The beauty and the pain is right! I’ll find myself eager to close out a phase but then feel a tinge of sadness about its ending all the same. Your lamby note is making ME emotional because our daughter is obsessed with hers, too. They’re currently legitimate friends — sleepovers, tea parties, you name it. IT’S JUST TOO SWEET. May the magic of lamby live on for as long as possible for both of us. 🥹💖
I have relied upon “everything is temporary” to get me through this year and feel the same push/pull of emotions with the sweet things you listed — the mamas, the tiny hands, the sweet coos. I also once thought it was BS until I actually lived it. Such a strange vortex to simultaneously wish time to move both faster and slower. I love your voice and how you expressed this complicated mothering feeling. I do not know how you managed FT work on top of the sleep deprivation — you are POWERFUL and soft and all the things 💗💗💗
🥹😭 thank you, violet! For all of it! It’s so comforting to hear that you can relate. A “strange vortex” is the perfect way to describe the polarizing feelings of motherhood. We better buckle up!!!
So many good reflections here Elin!! I am not sure how old your kids are exactly but as a mom who’s finally on the other side of the toddler phase (kids are 5 and 6.5) I can say that life does get a lot easier in so many ways— but I so, SO miss their littleness. Sometimes I want to hit a magic button and go back in time just to squeeze the 10 month old chonk … motherhood is WILD. Xx
Thank you!!! And wild it certainly is! Mine are 3 months and 2.5 years, so that’s really nice to hear (the getting easier part) and I’m already bracing myself for the future nostalgia 🥹
Yes yes yes! And bravo on the title (perfect, no notes). Most things are temporary. A couple years ago I wrote about this phenomenon, but also questioned: what happens when you realize that the thing isn't going to end - that there's a component of personality, or disposition, or whatever else that makes the temporary more permanent? The things that go beyond sleeplessness and food aversions. I wonder if there's a reckoning in every motherhood where we have to reconcile the malleable with the less malleable.
All that to say, I still find it soothing to know most things do right themselves; we need that reassurance to get through the early years of mothering, to make it from sunrise to sunset each day. The truism may fail us eventually, but the comfort it provides through the bulk of childhood is an undeniable gift.
Thank you for the compliment, and thank you for your insight!!! That’s so interesting to think about — you’re right. And some temporary phases are so long, I was starting to wonder when does something no longer qualify as temp? Not every era or challenge ends in a timely manner. Some feel like forever because maybe they are!!! As far as the phase I’m in right now though (with the broken sleep and round the clock feeding) I’m definitely comforted that this one will surely end.
This was so lovely & helpful to read as I prepare to have my second kid!!! I think it is much easier knowing that each phase is temporary. I’m still struggling to accept how (potentially) DIFFERENT each kid will be!!!
It really does make it so much easier to go into the second round with that knowledge (and confidence)! I am SO excited for you!!! And I remember being confounded by the anticipation of how different they might be, too…I’ve already been noticing so many things that make each of my girls unique and it’s a pretty cool trip.
Ugh, that’s so hard! I’m glad to hear this helped even just a little. But also it’s okay to feel like it sucks in the moment. Two-year-olds and tantrums are tough, can totallllly empathize with you. 🫶🏼
It’s funny, because I don’t want people to tell me “this is temporary” when I’m having a hard time, but I totally do it to others. With my sister or friends having a rough time with a kid younger than mine, I’ll say, “I promise this won’t last”. Like I really really want them to know. Although I do always add, “But I know it sucks so much right now” or something to that effect. I always try to validate, because even though something is temporary, that doesn’t mean it’s not brutal while you’re going through it. Like if I’m having stabbing indigestion pains and feel like my insides are going to explode, I of course KNOW it’s temporary, but I don’t need someone standing outside the bathroom yelling that at me.
We’re in the middle of a move AND it’s a heat wave and one of our AC handlers went out and I feel like I am in daily power struggles with my five year old. It’s all temporary, it’s all temporary - needed that!
This is so so true!!! Every stage really does feel like it’ll last forever and one day you realize it’s not even happening anymore. Like the stage where my toddler was an absolute menace to society anytime she was getting in her car seat. Thank god we’ve moved past that one 🫣 Cheers to you and the reminder that the hard won’t last forever and the sweetness is to be cherished (as much as you can with the energy and foresight you have available) ❤️
Elin! This is soooo so lovely. I live this duality every day because my son (8) still drops his "Rs" drops everything to snuggle with me, and also finds ways to drive me completely insane every day. Meanwhile my girls (both teens) are pretty self sufficient! One is close to driving, a huge help! One can make dinner unsupervised, amazing! But, I'm also starting to say things "this is her second-to-last summer at home before college." They don't really...snuggle. They love Sephora move than their old blankies. Time is beautiful AND cruel all in the same moment. Xx
Jennifer, thank you! Oh man, YES, that relentless daily duality. The thought of my toddler one day being able to make her dinner unsupervised when she only wants to eat cheese right now is mind boggling and yet I know it'll be here before we know it. She's already a fan of Sephora so I'm in trouble lol. Trying so hard to soak it all up for now, the good and challenging, the best I can. You totally get it.
“Aren’t you loving every second?” Is a close second to “everything is temporary” in my book of worst things you can say to a parent with babies/toddlers. I keep a list in the notes on my phone of things that are stressing me out, and instead of deleting the note when whatever it is eventually resolves, I copy and paste it into another note called “things that resolved” and I read it periodically to remind myself of all I’ve managed to get through. It’s shocking to read, because I’ll forget all about “the thing” once it’s behind me. But reading it reminds me of just how badass I am and it gives me the strength I need when a new whackamole pops up!
Gosh, YES, there really is a long list of cringe things to say to a new parent — that’s for sure. I love your notes strategy, especially because it’s *so true* that we often forget the many hurdles we’ve cleared. What a great way to keep a running tab of reminders of how badass you are!!!! We can do anything.
Honestly the "it's just temporary" really helps me too. In the moment, it feels like an affront and complete lack of empathy. But then when you experience it for yourself, you get it. I also have a larger age gap between my kids (4 years), so I'm now ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. I can actually see day-to-day how my 5yo has outgrown the things my 1yo now does.
But that said, my hell is pumping all day. I FEEL YOU!!!! xoxoxo you're doing great
You totally get it!!! I feel like the second time around has been easier in that it’s, well, not the first time I’m doing this — but it’s also just knowing (really knowing!) that the hard stuff passes. Does it still suck in the moment? Yeah. But thank god for the knowledge that it ends. Thanks gf 🫶🏼
My husband and I were just having this conversation; the beauty and pain of the temporary. Good temporary; having to get in the pool and be splashed (can’t wait for my youngest to be water independent. The bad/sad temporary; the way she gives her stuffed lamb a bite of ice cream (may lamby always be a whole lovely member of our family). I have the good/sad temporary top of mind for each of my kids in each phase!!
The beauty and the pain is right! I’ll find myself eager to close out a phase but then feel a tinge of sadness about its ending all the same. Your lamby note is making ME emotional because our daughter is obsessed with hers, too. They’re currently legitimate friends — sleepovers, tea parties, you name it. IT’S JUST TOO SWEET. May the magic of lamby live on for as long as possible for both of us. 🥹💖
I have relied upon “everything is temporary” to get me through this year and feel the same push/pull of emotions with the sweet things you listed — the mamas, the tiny hands, the sweet coos. I also once thought it was BS until I actually lived it. Such a strange vortex to simultaneously wish time to move both faster and slower. I love your voice and how you expressed this complicated mothering feeling. I do not know how you managed FT work on top of the sleep deprivation — you are POWERFUL and soft and all the things 💗💗💗
🥹😭 thank you, violet! For all of it! It’s so comforting to hear that you can relate. A “strange vortex” is the perfect way to describe the polarizing feelings of motherhood. We better buckle up!!!
If one more adult calls me “mamma” or says “you got this mamma” I might literally scream and through a tantrum myself
HAHAHAHA right??! It’s gotta stop.
So many good reflections here Elin!! I am not sure how old your kids are exactly but as a mom who’s finally on the other side of the toddler phase (kids are 5 and 6.5) I can say that life does get a lot easier in so many ways— but I so, SO miss their littleness. Sometimes I want to hit a magic button and go back in time just to squeeze the 10 month old chonk … motherhood is WILD. Xx
Thank you!!! And wild it certainly is! Mine are 3 months and 2.5 years, so that’s really nice to hear (the getting easier part) and I’m already bracing myself for the future nostalgia 🥹
Yes yes yes! And bravo on the title (perfect, no notes). Most things are temporary. A couple years ago I wrote about this phenomenon, but also questioned: what happens when you realize that the thing isn't going to end - that there's a component of personality, or disposition, or whatever else that makes the temporary more permanent? The things that go beyond sleeplessness and food aversions. I wonder if there's a reckoning in every motherhood where we have to reconcile the malleable with the less malleable.
All that to say, I still find it soothing to know most things do right themselves; we need that reassurance to get through the early years of mothering, to make it from sunrise to sunset each day. The truism may fail us eventually, but the comfort it provides through the bulk of childhood is an undeniable gift.
Thank you for the compliment, and thank you for your insight!!! That’s so interesting to think about — you’re right. And some temporary phases are so long, I was starting to wonder when does something no longer qualify as temp? Not every era or challenge ends in a timely manner. Some feel like forever because maybe they are!!! As far as the phase I’m in right now though (with the broken sleep and round the clock feeding) I’m definitely comforted that this one will surely end.
it totally will!!! hang in there!!
This was so lovely & helpful to read as I prepare to have my second kid!!! I think it is much easier knowing that each phase is temporary. I’m still struggling to accept how (potentially) DIFFERENT each kid will be!!!
It really does make it so much easier to go into the second round with that knowledge (and confidence)! I am SO excited for you!!! And I remember being confounded by the anticipation of how different they might be, too…I’ve already been noticing so many things that make each of my girls unique and it’s a pretty cool trip.
Laughed out loud at the obsession with shredded cheese. Like, why, WHY?! Loved this per usual!
hahaha but seriously, WHY THO? Need an explanation. (Thanks friend.)
Given the 27293372 tantrums I’ve experienced today by my 2-year-old today, this felt timely and is much appeciated. ❤️
Ugh, that’s so hard! I’m glad to hear this helped even just a little. But also it’s okay to feel like it sucks in the moment. Two-year-olds and tantrums are tough, can totallllly empathize with you. 🫶🏼
It’s funny, because I don’t want people to tell me “this is temporary” when I’m having a hard time, but I totally do it to others. With my sister or friends having a rough time with a kid younger than mine, I’ll say, “I promise this won’t last”. Like I really really want them to know. Although I do always add, “But I know it sucks so much right now” or something to that effect. I always try to validate, because even though something is temporary, that doesn’t mean it’s not brutal while you’re going through it. Like if I’m having stabbing indigestion pains and feel like my insides are going to explode, I of course KNOW it’s temporary, but I don’t need someone standing outside the bathroom yelling that at me.
Totally. I do the same!!! Validation is still key even when you know it’ll get easier. 🫶🏼
We’re in the middle of a move AND it’s a heat wave and one of our AC handlers went out and I feel like I am in daily power struggles with my five year old. It’s all temporary, it’s all temporary - needed that!
This is so so true!!! Every stage really does feel like it’ll last forever and one day you realize it’s not even happening anymore. Like the stage where my toddler was an absolute menace to society anytime she was getting in her car seat. Thank god we’ve moved past that one 🫣 Cheers to you and the reminder that the hard won’t last forever and the sweetness is to be cherished (as much as you can with the energy and foresight you have available) ❤️
Elin! This is soooo so lovely. I live this duality every day because my son (8) still drops his "Rs" drops everything to snuggle with me, and also finds ways to drive me completely insane every day. Meanwhile my girls (both teens) are pretty self sufficient! One is close to driving, a huge help! One can make dinner unsupervised, amazing! But, I'm also starting to say things "this is her second-to-last summer at home before college." They don't really...snuggle. They love Sephora move than their old blankies. Time is beautiful AND cruel all in the same moment. Xx
Jennifer, thank you! Oh man, YES, that relentless daily duality. The thought of my toddler one day being able to make her dinner unsupervised when she only wants to eat cheese right now is mind boggling and yet I know it'll be here before we know it. She's already a fan of Sephora so I'm in trouble lol. Trying so hard to soak it all up for now, the good and challenging, the best I can. You totally get it.